Relationship Advice Thread

[iamshack]

I mean it isn't like he posted in a thread asking for relationship advice or something.

Understood, but people always ask for advice. Rarely do they actually follow it.

 

I guess the point is not to react harshly because he pushes back on advice that says something like "walk away." He's not going to say "you know what, you're right."

 

He doesn't need someone to tell him not to do this. He knows that already. He is a smart person. What he wants is someone to justify why he SHOULD do that, so that he can go against his better judgment.

Edited February 24, 2016 by iamshack

[Y2HH]

Understood, but people always ask for advice. Rarely do they actually follow it.

 

I guess the point is not to react harshly because he pushes back on advice that says something like "walk away." He's not going to say "you know what, you're right."

 

He doesn't need someone to tell him not to do this. He knows that already. He is a smart person. What he wants is someone to justify why he SHOULD do that, so that he can go against his better judgment.

 

 

For.

 

The.

 

Win.

[greg775]

I mean it isn't like he posted in a thread asking for relationship advice or something.

Amen.

Let's cut to the chase. If he has sex with her and daddy finds out, daddy will likely be incensed. We're talking real world here. Most every involved dad is going to FREAK if his daughter, who is in high school, is intimate with a 25-year-old. It has nothing to do with what type of person the 25 year old is.

 

Americans are definitely hung up on age in regards to relationships. In this case, however, it's high school aged woman we're talking about being matched with a person old enough to be out of college by two years and that makes it improper in the eyes of MOST all Americans.

 

Some daddys would greet the guy at the door with the proverbial shotgun. in the Married With Children reruns I think of what Al Bundy would do. BOOM head slam into the wall.

Edited February 25, 2016 by greg775

[BlackSox13]

I know I haven't checked this thread in a couple days, but I promise I haven't had a birthday yet! I'm still 25, not 26 as I have seen a few times back and forth.

 

So we hung out again tonight. I found out why she said I may not get to meet her parents. She has had a really really rough childhood. Besides the fact that she has 2 jobs in addition to school and works 65 hours a week during the summers, she told me another reason why she has had to grow up so fast and mature as much as she has. Without getting TOO specific, her dad is abusive. Abusive to her and her sisters, especially one of her sisters who on Mother's Day he apparently "beat the s*** out of" and "choked her out at the dinner table" when she told her mom to shut up. At which point my friend took her little siblings upstairs and locked the room to protect them. I can't believe she told me all these stories and other terrible family stories tonight without crying, but she said those moments pretty much stripped her of the carefree childhood life and caused her to grow up and essentially live without any connection to her parents, other than living in the same house, and working at her father's business for one of her 2 jobs. She said she pays all her own bills and plans to move out as soon as she graduates to put herself through college and start her own vet clinic eventually.

 

So yeah....she's had quite the rough life so far and maybe this will kind of help you guys believe me when I say you would never know she is 18 by the way she acts or talks. Unfortunately shes had to grow up because of traumatic family events and self-preservation.

That's a pretty hostile environment to grow up in. She does sound as though she is more mature due to the home environment, three jobs and seems to have a solid plan for college and there after. I give the girl credit for using the home environment as fuel to drive her to make her dreams come true instead of using it as an excuse to not do anything with her life.

 

I can't tell you it's right or wrong to date the girl because I don't know either of you or your interventions with one another. I won't lie, if I had an 18 year old daughter I would not be happy about her dating a 25 year man. If I was a 25 year old man I would probably just want to be a friend to her and nothing more. Then again, when I was 25, all I wanted to do was work, wrench on cars, drinks loads of beer and chase women.

 

You're in the situation so you know what you want best and you know her better than any of us so its your call. She will be graduating in June so the HS aspect of the equation will be gone. Beyond that there are a few things to consider. 1) what, if any, are the expectations between you and her? 2) if the two of you became a couple, are you OK with not seeing her much due to working and going to college? 3) if you wanted to go hang out with friends at bars and clubs, is she going to be OK with that?

[nitetrain8601]

I'd stay away from that girl to be honest. I had a lady I was interested at the time. She shared a similar story. Dad was abusive to mom. Mom actually cheated on husband eventually, and they got divorced. Dad was really tough on the lady. He also was a police officer. As much as she stated and as much as I wanted to believe she was mature, she really wasn't. I won't go into too much detail, but I'll just say this - it was a recipe for disaster.

 

In the end, she admitted she wasn't mature enough for a relationship and her life wasn't as together as she thought it was. She suffered from many problems and took me along for the ride. Best of luck though. I like to see people win. Just know in this case, the chances aren't with you.

[nitetrain8601]

I can only speak for myself, but I would have never expected that sort of response from him, or anyone else for that matter.

 

However, he asked advice on the age gap, and if it's too weird for a 25 year old to see an 18 year old. With more details, many of us brought up concerns and what could go wrong.

 

What else was supposed to be said?

 

I agree with you, but I sympathize with him as I've been in that situation before. I was 21 dating a 17 year old. It's a world of difference, even without the issues. Add them in there, and the odds aren't with you. Like iamshack stated though - people usually ask for advice, but really just want someone to justify the option they want to pick and not the one they need to pick.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

Going on a first date to the Sox game tomorrow. It was HER idea, and she's a HUGE Cubs fan. We are going to the mall beforehand because she wants to buy a Sox shirt.

 

Is it ok that I'm already in love?

[greg775]

Going on a first date to the Sox game tomorrow. It was HER idea, and she's a HUGE Cubs fan. We are going to the mall beforehand because she wants to buy a Sox shirt.

 

Is it ok that I'm already in love?

Cool, Chili. Keep us posted on everything. Are you meeting her or having to go to her house to pick her up with daddy possibly greeting you with a mean look cause of the age thing?

[iamshack]

Going on a first date to the Sox game tomorrow. It was HER idea, and she's a HUGE Cubs fan. We are going to the mall beforehand because she wants to buy a Sox shirt.

 

Is it ok that I'm already in love?

So this isn't the younger lady, correct?

[bigruss]

So this isn't the younger lady, correct?

Well they're going to the mall so maybe?

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

So this isn't the younger lady, correct?

 

No. I actually ended up dating the 18 year old for like 6 weeks. It didn't work out because she was worried about my intent to move to AZ at some point, and her interest to move to Indy. She didn't want to get too deep and get hurt. She said she got nervous about how much she was starting to like me, so just ended it. And it definitely ended cold. Not badly, but she just suddenly said she was done.

 

And then about a week later she said she misses me and thinks she made the wrong choice about wanting to break up. But i haven't taken her back yet. I want to see what this new girl (and another couple I have on the line) have to offer first.

 

And no, we never even had sex. I wasn't in it just to tag some ripe 18 year old.

 

 

And yes, this new girl is older. lol. She's 22.

[pettie4sox]

No. I actually ended up dating the 18 year old for like 6 weeks. It didn't work out because she was worried about my intent to move to AZ at some point, and her interest to move to Indy. She didn't want to get too deep and get hurt. She said she got nervous about how much she was starting to like me, so just ended it. And it definitely ended cold. Not badly, but she just suddenly said she was done.

 

And then about a week later she said she misses me and thinks she made the wrong choice about wanting to break up. But i haven't taken her back yet. I want to see what this new girl (and another couple I have on the line) have to offer first.

 

And no, we never even had sex. I wasn't in it just to tag some ripe 18 year old.

 

 

And yes, this new girl is older. lol. She's 22.

 

Damn I feel so old.

 

[Reddy]

Damn I feel so old.

Right? "older" he says.

 

[BigHurt3515]

Going on a first date to the Sox game tomorrow. It was HER idea, and she's a HUGE Cubs fan. We are going to the mall beforehand because she wants to buy a Sox shirt.

 

Is it ok that I'm already in love?

 

No it is not ok! She said she is a HUGE Cubs fan, that should be it. lol

[greg775]

No. I actually ended up dating the 18 year old for like 6 weeks. It didn't work out because she was worried about my intent to move to AZ at some point, and her interest to move to Indy. She didn't want to get too deep and get hurt. She said she got nervous about how much she was starting to like me, so just ended it. And it definitely ended cold. Not badly, but she just suddenly said she was done.

 

And then about a week later she said she misses me and thinks she made the wrong choice about wanting to break up. But i haven't taken her back yet. I want to see what this new girl (and another couple I have on the line) have to offer first.

 

And no, we never even had sex. I wasn't in it just to tag some ripe 18 year old.

 

 

And yes, this new girl is older. lol. She's 22.

Chili, you must be a Ken doll stud. You got women all over the place. What's your secret? Flowing black hair; bodybuilder type? You seem to have a ton of women to choose from all the time.

[knightni]

No it is not ok! She said she is a HUGE Cubs fan, that should be it. lol

"I went to YOUR team's game; you shouldn't have any problem going to MINE. Here, put this Cubs shirt and cap on."

[knightni]

Chili, you must be a Ken doll stud. You got women all over the place. What's your secret? Flowing black hair; bodybuilder type? You seem to have a ton of women to choose from all the time.

Down, boy.

[Jose Abreu]

A huge Cubs fan willing to buy a Sox shirt...? red flags all around!

[Jose Abreu]

Opinions on long-distance relationships?

[cabiness42]

Opinions on long-distance relationships?

 

How long of a distance? I met my wife on match.com when I was living in Oak Park and she was living in Indianapolis. We e-mailed and talked on the phone for a month before deciding to meet in person, but the distance was close enough that we were able to visit each other just about every weekend before deciding to get married.

[RockRaines]

Opinions on long-distance relationships?

Its probably better nowadays but I had one in college that was a disaster. She was in AZ and I was in OH. Jealously, cheating etc was awful. If I could go back i wouldnt have done it. Lots of fish in the sea

[bigruss]

Opinions on long-distance relationships?

You're about to graduate HS right (if I'm remembering correctly)? Long distance in college is just not smart, I did it for my first year and a half and I wish I had that time back. You both need to be on the same page and that becomes so hard when you are learning about yourself.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

Chili, you must be a Ken doll stud. You got women all over the place. What's your secret? Flowing black hair; bodybuilder type? You seem to have a ton of women to choose from all the time.

 

Lol, no Greg. I do have flowing dark locks though.

 

"I went to YOUR team's game; you shouldn't have any problem going to MINE. Here, put this Cubs shirt and cap on."

 

A concern of mine that I've already thought about. lmao. If she bought be a ticket, I would go to a Cubs game with her no problem. But I would draw the line at being dressed up in Cubs gear. Afterall, SHE suggested getting herself a Sox shirt.

[Chisoxfn]

So I'll just say and I'm sure some of the people are joking, but better to find a girl that is a baseball fan vs. a girl that isn't. Who gives a rats ass if she is a fan of your team or not. The rivalry could actually make it more fun.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

So I'll just say and I'm sure some of the people are joking, but better to find a girl that is a baseball fan vs. a girl that isn't. Who gives a rats ass if she is a fan of your team or not. The rivalry could actually make it more fun.

 

That's exactly what I told a coworker of mine. The girl I was just dating, didn't follow sports at all. Had never even SEEN a hockey game, even on TV. This new girl is baseball crazed, and even though she sends me snaps of the Cubs game and teases me, she also watches the Sox games and teases me about them and wants to go to Sox games with me. That's a lot more fun, even if it means playful teasing.