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BobDylan

Gordon Beckham sucks in the day

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There was a study I read somewhere at some time that said the best athletes in the world can play anytime, anywhere.

 

Gordon Beckham doesn't have what it takes because...in day games, he has a .188 BA, .300 OBP, .350 SLG, .550 OPS. In 1978, for St Louis Mike Tyson hit .222 with a .222 OBP, .333 SLG and a .556 OPS at Wrigley Field where they typically play day games. That team lost 93 games. By contrast...in 2003 Derek Jeter hit .305 with a .364 OBP, .440 SLG and a .867 OPS in day games. That Yankees team made it to the World Series...

 

1) Do you think it is a coincidence that the Cubs sell out all their games?

 

2) Why isn't there a baseball team in Alaska? ...Is it because there are like 30 days of night there?

 

3) Why do all the best golfers in the world play when it is early in the morning? (In fact, I've never seen a golf game at night...)

 

4) Good baseball players perform during the day. Gordon Beckham does not.

 

5) Why do you think Babe Ruth is the best baseball player in the world? Because he hit all those homers under the sun.

 

They can try sending him to the military where they'll get him up at the crack of dawn, but I really don't think that's going to help him. He went to college. He has long hair. His nickname is Slayer (if you don't know what that means, you're only pretending and hiding in the corner blushing...) It is in his blood. There isn't a blend of coffee in the world strong enough to wake this kid up. We're stuck with what we got and this is on the organization. I point my finger at them.

 

But...I predict that he will be on the team next year as the starting shortstop. It wouldn't be the first time KW and JR were too afraid to admit their mistakes. Lillibridge and Podsednik are on this team for a reason. It's not to perform or give Getz rest or plug a gap for an injury in CF. It's because they didn't get the f***ing job done and get the players they needed and they don't want to admit it because Sox fans eat a lot of pizza and would eat their faces off.

 

Plus, they don't really have any other choice. It's only a matter of time before Obama starts a war with Cuba, and they'll have to send him back. Unless they want to put Nix or Lillibridge there, there really is no other option besides Beckham. I wouldn't mind if they signed somebody like Nomar Garciaparra (a guy that can bat anywhere in your line-up) but then they'd have to do a bobblehead night for him.

 

But hell...I wouldn't be surprised if they had Beckham up in AAA working on a slider and a knuckleball if he continues at this rate for the next few weeks. The Sox don't have many in-house options for a knuckleball pitcher and it's pretty obvious to see the success Boston has had with Tim Wakefield. His winning percentage is almost the same as Nolan Ryan (Wakefield .534, Nolan Ryan .526.) Plus Wakefield has had such a long career. Heck, Alexei has almost as many grand slams as Albert Pujols, so it doesn't make much sense to move him from SS...unless, of course, they traded for Derek Jeter and put him behind the plate because AJ is getting old and Tyler Flowers is still very young.

 

Also, to save some cash, if they really are strapped like they say, I imagine the Red Sox would trade us Wakefield for Beckham straight up. He's been great for the Red Sox, and they have an obvious thing against players who play well in the day. Look, they traded Babe Ruth...need I say anything else.

 

This way the White Sox could:

 

1) Get rid of Jose Contreras because he only pitches well when it is warm.

 

2) Keep Alexei at SS or move him to C

 

3) Spare the organization of any racial tenstion because Alexei is... and Beckham is... (do I really need to spell it out?)

 

Plus, Beckham would fit in well at Boston because that's where the movie The Departed takes place. But I would rather watch Scarface, Gigli, The Whole Nine Yards, The Whole Ten Yards and Anchorman before I'd watch that movie again. It won so many awards, but it was too out of this world for me to believe. Jack Nicholson at the end? Give me a break. Mark Wahlberg should go back to rapping...is is SOOOO bad at acting. Most of his scenes were in the day during that movie too. Maybe him and Beckham should get an apartment together and become vampires?

Edited by BobDylan

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Thanks, BD. I missed out on my 90 minute run today due to the rain. But I think I just burned up about 2000 calories from laughing so hard at that post.

Edited by Jordan4life

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QUOTE (BobDylan @ May 7, 2009 -> 01:47 AM)
Gordon Beckham sucks in the day

 

...and his hunnies suck at night.

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This is the most insightful piece I have read in some time. I don't think we need to sign Nomar to do a bobblehead night for him though, the marketing guys could just slap his head in a White Sox uniform; that way Pods wouldn't get upset about it.

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Bob, why must you make it so hard for the rest of us? Not cool man, not cool

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QUOTE (BobDylan @ May 6, 2009 -> 08:47 PM)
(In fact, I've never seen a golf game at night...)

I played 18 holes at night in Qatar on a lit course. So that basically invalidates your entire post. :)

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I agree with every word. Mostly the part about trading Beckham for Wakefield...that would be a fantastic move...I bet he is great during the day time.

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Wow....this is definitely the post of the year and certainly a finalist for post of the decade.

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QUOTE (shipps @ May 7, 2009 -> 07:30 AM)
I agree with every word. Mostly the part about trading Beckham for Wakefield...that would be a fantastic move...I bet he is great during the day time.

Plus, Wakefield could probably pitch for another 10 years. Kenny could build a staff around him.

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LOL. Did Bob really need to edit that post ? His spelling was pretty good for being so incoherent.

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I think you need to drop acid before you read this.

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Now that someone pointed out too me the reason for this post its just not as funny as if it was a drunk post.

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This is the most ridiculous f***ing thing I have ever read, just awesome.

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QUOTE (shipps @ May 7, 2009 -> 06:36 AM)
Now that someone pointed out too me the reason for this post its just not as funny as if it was a drunk post.

 

Meh, i caught on immediately after reading the first sentence what this was going to be like and the reason for it and I think it's amazing.

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And I think all of Beckham's errors this year have been in night games.

 

So, he can't hit during the day... and he can't field at night.

 

This is a freakin' Greek tragedy.

 

 

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Very nice post. *applauds*

 

Why is there no team in Alaska? It's light for at least 20 hours a day in the summer even in the southern-most part of the state. There's a solution for The Rays (by the way, I liked The Devil Rays better). They can spilt their home games between Anchorage, Fairbanks, and Juneau. I guess however that they'd have to build a dome in Juneau, as it rains about 500 days a year. Tampa Bay Rays = Alaska Sockeyes. The logo could be an aweome jumping salmon. The TV coverage up there can have a defensive play of the day they could call "The Deadliest Catch", and they could have the likes of Sig, Phil, Andy, etc. introduce the clip.

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