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Relationship Advice Thread

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QUOTE (iamshack @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 01:19 PM)
But if you talk to married couples, much like some people have already said here, the stories are quite often about a guy who kept pursuing a woman until he ultimately convinced her to marry him. And those are some of the strongest couples around.

And then there were the guys that had to stop because the woman that they love or used to love wants a restraining order or calls him a stalker all of the time...

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QUOTE (The Beast @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 03:11 PM)
And then there were the guys that had to stop because the woman that they love or used to love wants a restraining order or calls him a stalker all of the time...

Well, the key is to be reasonable enough to stop before you get the cease and desist order put on you... :unsure:

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QUOTE (iamshack @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 03:17 PM)
Well, the key is to be reasonable enough to stop before you get the cease and desist order put on you... :unsure:

My point is that the statement about being persistent until the woman decides she wants to marry you doesn't exactly fit for every single couple out there. I don't think there's convincing needed, you are either meant to be or you aren't.

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QUOTE (Yoda @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 12:11 PM)
And where are my peeps that never take no for an answer?

 

It may seem ludicrous at first, but there is always time to convince a girl to change her way of thinking and come to realize that giving it a try won’t hurt unless the both of you aren’t in it together. Not everyone is the same and I see it as a card game where you play with the intention of winning. If you lose, try again, but after a while there should be a sign telling you whether you just had a bad hand or you were doomed from the beginning.

 

Not saying this doesn't work, because I've heard stories about it, but I'd equate it to a UFO, I've heard of them but have never seem them. It might just be the people I know, but it always seems to end a failure when the guy keeps going after her. But you're right, there should be a sign telling you if you were doomed or not.

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QUOTE (Milkman delivers @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 03:33 PM)
I think that all depends on the guy. If you have the charisma, you can keep hitting on a girl until she goes for it. If you don't, you might just come off like a huge creep.

To clarify, I was trying to apply the example to my situation. I would not go back after seeing her and try continue to hit on her so long after the breakup. Immediately after, I tried to convince her that it'd work out and when she scoffed at me, then I developed the desensitized "f*** her" attitude. Needless to say I'm still a bit cynical about love and relationships. It feels like college is the place to experiment and to get a real job before you find the girl, unless of course there's a girl in college that you absolutely positively must have in your life no matter what. Good luck finding that at bars and clubs...

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QUOTE (southsideirish71 @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 03:28 PM)
Leon Phelps can help everyone with the Ladies.

 

 

I usually favor the three step approach... Step one, cut a hole in the box.

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QUOTE (Jenks Heat @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 03:52 PM)
I usually just whip it out. I saw this on Seinfeld and it works a good amount of the time.

 

"When in doubt.. just whip it out!!"

 

:notworthy

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The "processing time" wasn't the only thing she said. She did go on to say that she does like me and she was flattered. She got out of a relationship about a half a year ago. According to mutual friends of ours, she called me "a puss" for not making a move, which is why I finally decided to lay it all out on the line, completely sober might I add. I'm going to see her on Thursday and possibly she what she says then. Until then, I guess I'm going to just let her think about it and see how she feels. I've done my soul searching, guess its time for her to do some.

Edited by soxman352000

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QUOTE (soxman352000 @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 07:05 PM)
The "processing time" wasn't the only thing she said. She did go on to say that she does like me and she was flattered. She got out of a relationship about a half a year ago. According to mutual friends of ours, she called me "a puss" for not making a move, which is why I finally decided to lay it all out on the line, completely sober might I add. I'm going to see her on Thursday and possibly she what she says then. Until then, I guess I'm going to just let her think about it and see how she feels. I've done my soul searching, guess its time for her to do some.

How old are you and this lady friend?

How long have you known one another?

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QUOTE (soxman352000 @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 06:05 PM)
The "processing time" wasn't the only thing she said. She did go on to say that she does like me and she was flattered. She got out of a relationship about a half a year ago. According to mutual friends of ours, she called me "a puss" for not making a move, which is why I finally decided to lay it all out on the line, completely sober might I add. I'm going to see her on Thursday and possibly she what she says then. Until then, I guess I'm going to just let her think about it and see how she feels. I've done my soul searching, guess its time for her to do some.

 

Thats a good idea at least. Ball is in her court, let her make the next move.

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QUOTE (iamshack @ Feb 3, 2010 -> 01:12 AM)
How old are you and this lady friend?

How long have you known one another?

 

She's 22 (I'm 21)

 

I've know her for 4 years, but this last year is when we really started to get to know one another on a more personal level

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Okay, laying this one out there. In today's current environment, when is the appropriate age to get married? Should people get married or serious when they can support themselves? When should anyone have a "serious relationship" and when shouldn't they? It almost seems like in college it's too much to have one.

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QUOTE (The Beast @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 07:47 PM)
Okay, laying this one out there. In today's current environment, when is the appropriate age to get married? Should people get married or serious when they can support themselves? When should anyone have a "serious relationship" and when shouldn't they? It almost seems like in college it's too much to have one.

 

It seems people are getting married at an older age than say 10 years ago. At least in my experiences. 28, 29, 30, seems to be the norm these days.

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QUOTE (The Beast @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 07:47 PM)
Okay, laying this one out there. In today's current environment, when is the appropriate age to get married? Should people get married or serious when they can support themselves? When should anyone have a "serious relationship" and when shouldn't they? It almost seems like in college it's too much to have one.

 

Two seconds before you drop dead.

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My sister got married when she was 23, just had a friend get married at 23 or 24, one of my cousins got married at 20 (though that was partly because she comes from a very Catholic background, met a guy who is also very Catholic, and they got pregnant, though their relationship is very strong all the same), and many other cousins have gotten married ranging from 25 to 32. It all depends on if you're both ready to take that next step, and if you truly are ready, then do it.

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It depends on the schooling each person wants as well as their career aspirations.

 

Men working in the trades get married earlier than men that get extensive schooling, simply because they can afford to. Couples that wish to go to college and have a career afterwards often wait until they reach 30 or later.

Then of course, you have your grad students and professional degree students who often don't finish school until their mid-to-late twenties and don't get married until their mid-thirties, if at all.

 

A large part of it depends on your schooling, career choice, and then the job you end up settling into.

 

I can tell you, when I was in law school and working full-time, I didn't have time for a relationship. So obviously I wasn't getting married until well after I graduated.

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QUOTE (iamshack @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 08:50 PM)
It depends on the schooling each person wants as well as their career aspirations.

 

Men working in the trades get married earlier than men that get extensive schooling, simply because they can afford to. Couples that wish to go to college and have a career afterwards often wait until they reach 30 or later.

Then of course, you have your grad students and professional degree students who often don't finish school until their mid-to-late twenties and don't get married until their mid-thirties, if at all.

 

A large part of it depends on your schooling, career choice, and then the job you end up settling into.

 

I can tell you, when I was in law school and working full-time, I didn't have time for a relationship. So obviously I wasn't getting married until well after I graduated.

For a 21 year old guy who really want to finish his bachelor's degree and get a job to see what he "likes to do," I wouldn't mind getting married when I'm 25. But I'm not just going to settle for the first girl that comes my why who isn't utterly insane. Who the hell knows where I'll be in 5 years. All I know is that I don't think people get married straight out college. Too many people trying to figure s*** out before taking responsibility for the real world.

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QUOTE (The Beast @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 08:56 PM)
For a 21 year old guy who really want to finish his bachelor's degree and get a job to see what he "likes to do," I wouldn't mind getting married when I'm 25. But I'm not just going to settle for the first girl that comes my why who isn't utterly insane. Who the hell knows where I'll be in 5 years. All I know is that I don't think people get married straight out college. Too many people trying to figure s*** out before taking responsibility for the real world.

Two best friends from college. Married at 20, afters sophomore year. The other at 22, after college.

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It also depends on what you're looking for. I have all the respect in the world for those who managed to find their mates early in life. Me, well, I've dated a lot of women in my day, and there have been about 3 I've ever really thought I could see myself with long term.

 

It's a very individual thing, I think.

 

My guess is, when you're really ready, you'll know.

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Of most of the people I know who are married, alot were before 25, and I would say half are divorced if not more and several feel "stuck." Make sure you are doing it for the right reason and not just because you are supposed to or because everyone else is doing it.

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QUOTE (The Beast @ Feb 2, 2010 -> 01:11 PM)
And then there were the guys that had to stop because the woman that they love or used to love wants a restraining order or calls him a stalker all of the time...

IF you are able to pursue, it means there is interest. She might just not be 100% behind it at the time. It is not like you are going around following some girl you don't know or doing creepy that is going to get you a restraining order.

 

It is talking and joking around and doing sweet things to a girl that you are acquaintances with to get her to think of you in another manner possibly.

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QUOTE (RockRaines @ Feb 3, 2010 -> 07:40 AM)
Of most of the people I know who are married, alot were before 25, and I would say half are divorced if not more and several feel "stuck." Make sure you are doing it for the right reason and not just because you are supposed to or because everyone else is doing it.

Anytime you are in a relationship before starting your career and getting settled in, you need to really really be with that person for an extensive period of time. You are in a spot in your life that a lot around you will change, including yourself and those changes may align you to not see eye to eye or be a good fit for your partner (even though you were at a point in time).

 

It is kind of like friends, some you keep forever, others come and go as you and their interests change.

 

I'd say if you get married before starting your career and doing it for a bit, you need to make sure you've spent a long long time with that person and are incredibly comfortable with them and are willing to role with whom they are and what they ultimately do. If you don't start seeing that person until you are in your career, you tend to find things faster about who someone is because both people are closer to being in that range where they are where they are. Plus at that point, you've also probably had quite a bit of experience in relationships and have a better feel for what you like/don't like, etc.

 

In short, there isn't really a time-table and rock, I don't know why I'm replying to you about this, more for Beastly I suppose. It just depends on the circumstances and it is very individualized. Just don't ever get married because you think well, I spose its time to or I have an ultimatum. Do it because you want to and if you don't think you want to with that girl (and you feel you are ready to get married) move on and don't be a dick about it (ie, drag her along...cause it'll suck for you and it'll suck for her when you end up wasting all that time).

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