Quin

I guarantee if you asked before this snippet came out, there'd be a few people here saying the White Sox based on the fact that they'd have to extend Ohtani. But also, in lieu of that, the Rays.

FO people would def get banned/suspended, like they did for the Astros.

I enjoy this proposal every time you bring it up, because it'd be fucking nuts. Also imagine the absolute shit storm if Ohtani got injured because a team rode his arm too hard and he got injured and didn't disclose it back to the Angels. It'd be wild. There'd be banishments from baseball. The Angels would get to pick prospects a la carte. I want it.

Note: I'd take Preller's wheeling and dealing in a heart beat over the Sox constantly hedging bets, but dude is actually insane.

To be fair, that's everyone in this case.

The White Sox won their first home series in forever and are once again above .500! Throwing for the White Sox Michael Kopech: 4-6, 3.16 ERA, 78K MLB still uses this photo to preview Kopech starts. We haven't seen this fresh-faced pitcher in a while. Instead, we have this guy, who has aged significantly in the past few years. Some say TLR steals his youth to stay awake in the dugout. Throwing for the Royals Brad Keller: 5-11, 4.18, 73 K Remember when TA did his now iconic bat toss and Brad Keller lost his shit? More homers. More bat tosses. More wins.

In a twist, Soxtalk.com servers don't overload because we've all blacked out from the sheer stupidity of it all.

The tides have turned!

Home runs = good Dylan Cease also good

Oof, that was a good ass catch.

The Sox won and are once again at the fabled .500 mark, but last game's vibes can be summed up as this: Pitching for the White Sox: Dylan Cease: 10-4, 2.03, 154 K In the AL, Cease is 4th in fWAR, 3rd in ERA, and 2nd in strikeouts. Dylan's been great, but he wasn't an All-Star, because the White Sox have to win games by the skin of their teeth against All-Stars like the A's Paul Blackburn, who if you read yesterday's gamethread, you'll realize is basically the most average pitcher possible. Adam Oller: 1-3, 8.07 ERA, 22K Listen, like Dylan Cease, Adam Oller is a RHP with a fairly notable mustache. After that, he sucks. My lord, if the Sox lose to this guy and can't break .500, it should be considered a crime. Anyway, let the Dylan Cease Cy Young campaign continue.

Throwing for Chicago: Johnny Cueto 4-4, 2.89 ERA, 58k Throwing for Oakland: Some guy I've never heard of named "Paul Blackburn." 6-6, 4.35 ERA, 82 strikeouts. Pretty much the definition of an average pitcher. Trying to figure out why I've never heard of Paul, I looked him up. He's only pitched against the Sox twice and neither start was remarkable. After 6 seasons with Oakland, he's got a 2.1 fWAR at age 28 for a rebuilding team. After 6 seasons with the White Sox, Leury Garcia had a 2.0 fWAR at age 28 for a rebuilding team. He also represented Oakland in the All-Star game. Now, someone had to represent Oakland. But this guy got in and Cease didn't because the Sox weren't getting two players (Hendriks as a relief pitcher replacement notwithstanding) and the A's are so bad that their Leury Garcia is their All-Star. And they beat the Sox 7-3 last night. So anyway, the Sox can keep losing to the A's and break our hearts because of so many dumb mistakes. Or they can follow this man to victory.

Man I just can't while I watch the Angels Tungsten O'Doyle themselves to death.

AV and Wes Kath is a steep price for Juan Soto, but I think I'd do it.

I'm still pretty upset that a White Sox reunion team (keep Rodon in this scenario) - which would have jived with fans and fit the office MO - would have been better than what we got.

Buy stock in Italian Beef.

Is he a dog or is he a cat?!

Your mastery of the English language truly knows no bounds.

Cristian Mena's 19-year-old season has got to be mentioned here: 11.07 K/9 vs. 2.52 BB/9 with a 1.12 WHIP in Low A-ball. High-A is worse, but he's hilariously young there: 10.04 K/9, 5.19 BB/9, 1.54 WHIP.

"Don't change the game." "Tony's way." "Tony's men don't try."

You telling me the secret to all this is a left-handed GM?

Do the vests and the '50s Sox jerseys to honor Minnie getting in.

Neon Moncada!

To be fair, this wasn't trying to jam the 40-man. It was a stupid as shit attempt at saving money, which is even more infuriating.